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12.16.19

hospice – learning to say goodbye

Here are a few thoughts during the last month of my mom’s life on earth.

The last time she put on makeup + a wig. She was a beautiful woman!

11/19/2019
Mom has been in the hospital for a few days. It started out as a UTI and then she developed VRE (Vancomycin Resistant Enterococcus), a blood infection. She’s received several doses of Zyvox which has been working. Today, at lunch time, mom made the decision to go home, to be on hospice, to stop all treatment. She is tired of fighting. It’s been a very hard day.

11/23/2019
I’ve had a chance to spend several days with my mom at home. We’ve been able to reminisce and just talk about all the things. She is at peace. She’s ready to be with the angels. I’ve envisioned Jesus having his arms open wide, ready to receive her in heaven. Today, we had a day of celebration at the house. Friends of my parents stopped by, David, Vicki, Taylor, and Noah came over, Jathan too. It was a beautiful day, where my mom was enjoying all the love surrounding her. I know everyone was hesitant but I knew that we needed to do something before she got too bad. Anthony got to spend time talking with my mom one-on-one. That is special for both of us, that he got to talk with her too.

Delicious charcuterie platter
We had to wait a ridiculous amount of time to get this photo as my dad had taken Rylan with him to go run errands. It was nap time for Emery by this time, hence why he was a grumpy pants. I wish we had a better photo, but it’s definitely a memory!
Sassy, Emery, Kim

11/29/2019
Today is the Freeland family reunion at my parents house! My mom has been looking forward to this day for so long. She’s wanted to get her entire family together for many years. Right before her diagnosis, the planning began to have the reunion at Beaver’s Bend in September. After her surgery in August, Aunt Patty made the ultimate decision to postpone until Thanksgiving time. Unfortunately my mom wasn’t feeling that great leading in to Thanksgiving. On the morning of the reunion, the hospice nurse stopped by the house + gave my mom liquid Ativan (after I told her multiple times throughout the week that this was a very special day, one that she’s been looking forward to for SO long). The unfortunate part about this is that Ativan knocks my mom completely out, so she was not able to participate in the reunion at all. One of the biggest issues I have with her hospice nurse is not truly listening to what we were wanting, especially on that day of all days.

The cousins – all together in probably 20 years!
My mom so desperately wanted to take a final shot of Single Barrel Whiskey with Anthony. It didn’t happen on this day, but the gang took one in her honor anyways!

12/12/2019
I went over to Shawnee today to be with mom. I had a pretty strong feeling that I should take a pregnancy test so that I could tell my mom the news. Sure enough I’m indeed pregnant! I wish more than anything that I had set up my phone to record me telling her, but it was all a bit rushed. I was about to give her some medicine and I pounced on the moment. Oh my, her excitement level was off the charts when I told her. She put her arms in the air, said “Yay” and started crying with me. She is thrilled that we are having another child!

I spent at least once a week day + one weekend day in Shawnee those last few weeks. I had a gut feeling that she wasn’t going to last long, so I had to take advantage while I could. I recorded lots of our conversations on my phone, for that day when I absolutely need to hear her voice. It’s all too raw right now, but I’m thankful I have them for when that time comes.

My mom spent her final weeks saying her goodbyes to many people, taking communion, saying the rosary, planning her funeral service. She is one classy lady, showing us all how to die with dignity + compassion.

Filed in: cancer | family
10.8.19

outpace cancer walk

Anthony, Emery, + I did the 1 mile walk around the OU Health Sciences Center for Outpace Cancer in honor of my mom’s fight with Ovarian Cancer. Emery + I wore our teal in awareness of ovarian cancer. At the bottom of this post is an info-graphic with symptoms (early & advanced). Please make sure that you are listening to your body + that you are talking with your doctors. My mom’s biggest regret is not talking about the specific pain with her OB/GYN. She spent years trying to get answers through her internal medicine doc, but what she complained about weren’t red flags for cancer, unless you know.

*Bloating
*Pelvic or abdominal pain
*Needing to pee more frequently or urgently
*Feeling full quicker or having issues eating

E’s shirt says “Love Over Roar”!
He could do without all the kisses!

Did you know that there is no screening to detect if someone has ovarian cancer? Every 23 minutes a woman receives the diagnosis of ovarian cancer. That is heartbreaking. Awareness is all I’m asking friends.

Filed in: anthony | cancer | emery | kim
6.15.19

brave shave

We went to Shawnee to be apart of the shaving of my mom’s head, just days before her 64th birthday. It didn’t take long for the chemo to cause her hair to fall out. She is so incredibly brave, allowing her entire family to cut parts of her hair.

My favorite photo of the two of them!
Always one to be thinking of others, she bought some organic strawberries for Emery to have while we were shaving her head!
Randon started us out with the cutting.
This is such a Rylan face!
I have to wonder what was going through her mind while we were all sitting around watching her. Such a beautiful lady!
Someone taking a break, trying to cool off under the table!
Time to shave it all off!
Tanner up to no go!
We finally found her birth mark – a heart on the back of her head. So very fitting!
Filed in: cancer | emery | family
4.30.19

ovarian cancer

On April 24th, my mom received the diagnosis of ovarian cancer by her OB/GYN. The next day the family met up at OU Stevenson Cancer Center to get double confirmation from an oncologist + figure out next steps. I will forever remember my mom’s phone call. I was in the last day of a YMCA training, I walked out to take her call. She was hysterical, as my dad had a trustee event he was attended, so she got the news by herself. It was a major gut punch.

Her oncologist, Dr. Moxley, wanted to get her into surgery that next Tuesday, April 30th, for a complete hysterectomy. After being wheeled back to the OR, the doc came out much sooner than we anticipated to let us know that it’s Stage 3C ovarian cancer, that she wasn’t comfortable removing part of the cancer (because it was everywhere in her abdomen including under her liver). She did place a port in to help administer the chemo.

I plan on attending as many doctor’s appointments + chemo treatments as I am able, to show my mom support. This will give me a peace of mind too, that I won’t miss things that the medical team talk about, especially since I know that my mom is going to have chemo brain + my dad is just as much in the thick of it as she is.

Filed in: cancer | emery | family